What is the Will of God in Marriage?
Christians differ in their views when it comes to the will of God in selecting a spouse.
Many Christians believe that God has selected only one specific person for each of us and it’s up to each of us to find that person. They say that Christians who marry based on desire are not in God’s will and could end up miserable or might get divorced because they have married the wrong person. It is believed that couples get divorced because they have married outside the will of God.
Meanwhile, some Christians believe that the key to finding God’s will and marital happiness is finding the “right one.” But how do we know that person is the “right one” to marry? There are also Christians who hold to the belief that when the right person comes along, they will know because the Holy Spirit will point them to that person.
You may have heard or read the story of a pastor who was attracted to one of his church members but was hesitant to tell her how he felt for fear that the girl might not reciprocate his feelings. So he came up with a plan to tell the girl how the Holy Spirit revealed to him that she was the one chosen by God to be his wife.
He told the girl that it was God’s will for her to become his wife. The girl was shocked upon hearing what the pastor had to say but she managed to politely say: “Pastor, that’s impossible! It’s impossible because I’m already married to someone else.”
The Will of God in Marriage
So what is the will of God in marriage? We read in Genesis 1:31 how God called everything He created “good.” But seeing the man without a suitable mate, God said it is not good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18) so he let the man fall into a deep sleep and created a woman out of the man’s ribs (Genesis 2:21-22).
From this account of Adam and Eve, we can establish that it is God’s will for a man to have a partner and helpmate (or help-meet in the old KJV). The will of God in marriage has never changed, it’s still the same today and remains to be the same until He comes to rule and reign on the earth.
However, choosing whom you’ll marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make because it will extensively affect the rest of your life. It’s only natural to want reassurance that you’re doing the right thing, given its magnitude.
But how do you know God’s will for a marriage partner? Does God tell us who we’re supposed to marry? To answer these questions, let us go to what the word of God says, the Bible because the word of God is the will of God.
Guidelines for Selecting a Wife or Husband
Finding the right kind of spouse is God’s will for every believer. Although the Bible does not teach anywhere that believers need to find a specific person whom the Lord has chosen or tell us directly who we should marry, it does give us clear guidelines on finding the right kind of husband or wife.
When seeking a marriage partner, Christians need to seek the mind and will of God, for there can be no better counsel than what is found in the word of God.
1. A Christian must marry a Christian.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 gives a clear instruction from the apostle Paul that Christians are not to be bound together with non-Christians. When we enter into a covenant relationship with God, we are declared righteous in Christ and are brought into the light of God’s truth.
So we should not have intimate fellowship with those who are still in spiritual darkness. A believer should marry a believer so that they can continually encourage each other in the Lord. It is never the will of God for Christians to be marrying non-Christians.
In the Old Testament, interracial marriages were not acceptable. Genesis 24, the longest chapter in the book of Genesis, contains one of the greatest love stories known to man, that of Isaac and Rebekah. When Abraham was very old, he made his senior servant swear by the Lord not to take a wife for his son Isaac from the Canaanites, but to go to his very own family to get a wife for him (Genesis 24:1-4).
Abraham understood very well the negative implications of having an unbelieving wife and mother. So Abraham insisted that Isaac marries a woman who is a believer.
We also read how Aaron and Miriam talked against their brother Moses because of his Cushite wife (Numbers 12:1) and Esau grieving his parents Isaac and Rebekah for marrying two Canaanite women (Genesis 26:34-35). So when it was time for Jacob to marry, Rebekah insisted that Jacob go back to her own people to find a wife (Genesis 27:46). Isaac agreed with Rebekah and sent Jacob away charging him not to take a wife from the daughters of Canaan (Genesis 28:1).
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The Israelites were commanded not to engage in interracial marriages, not because of skin color or ethnicity but because they would be led astray from God and would turn to idol worship (Deuteronomy 7:3-4). Just as the people of God, the Israelites, were commanded not to marry idolaters, Christians are commanded not to marry non-Christians (unbelievers).
Does this mean that Christians can’t be friends with non-Christians? No! On the contrary, we should develop friendships with them so that we will have the opportunity to share the gospel with them. Former Muslims who turned to Christ testify that one major factor for their conversion was the love and genuine concern they received from Christians. Friendship, unlike marriage, is not a bond for life.
2. A Christian must marry a Christian who has a godly character.
Being a Christian does not guarantee that he or she has the qualities necessary to make the marriage successful. Proverbs 12:4 and Proverbs 31:10 exhort men to find a wife of noble character and to avoid a quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 19:13). Women, likewise, are to find men with these godly characteristics.
Find someone who is a person of character (Psalm 119:1) because men and women of character are trustworthy in all they do and they are sure to keep their word no matter what the cost. Also, look for someone who faithfully obeys God in everything and is growing every day in his faith in Jesus.
3. Don’t worry about finding the right person, become the right person yourself.
In finding the right kind of husband or wife, the Christian must first begin with his or her own faith in and relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Instead of asking, “Is he or she the right one for me?” a Christian must focus on being the right person.
You’ve got to be the kind of person that you exactly want for the person you want to marry. In other words, if you want a kind, loving, and godly person to marry then you’ve got to become a kind, loving and godly person.
To be godly is to have a daily quiet time when you pray, read the Bible, meditate on it, and apply it in your life (Joshua 1:8). Attend church regularly, get involved in the ministry, and just focus on God and His kingdom as you grow in your spiritual walk with the Lord.
4. Marry someone who loves God more than he or she loves you.
The first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength (Mark 12:30).
You must observe how is your partner’s love for God because in time the way he or she loves and serves Him will be reflected in the way he or she loves and serves you.
The only way he or she can love you is if he or she loves God above anything or anybody else.
5. Marry someone you can pray with.
Every Christian needs a prayer partner, one who will lift you and encourage you when you’re down and in times of trials and difficulties.
The Bible encourages believers to have someone to agree with you in prayer (Matthew 18:19) and the best prayer partner would be your spouse because more than anybody else, he or she knows what you’re going through.
It is also a proven fact that couples who pray together stay together because prayer builds deep intimacy in a marriage.
These are just five of the guidelines that God gives to us in selecting a future partner in life. No one will ever fit into the “perfect partner” category but finding someone who has the personal qualities that can develop and sustain a lifetime relationship with the Lord could be a sign that you are in the will of God in finding a mate. And as you follow the Lord’s guidelines, you need to trust the Lord for the blessings.
Conclusion
The Lord gives every believer the free choice to marry or not to marry. God has given marriage to be a free choice for every believer. Proverbs 18:22 says that finding a wife is finding what is good and receiving favor from the Lord. So if you choose to get married, that is good.
If you do not have a desire to marry so you can focus on serving God, that is good as well. Jesus said in Matthew 19:12 that some of us have chosen not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The apostle Paul also encourages Christians to stay single (like himself) in 1 Corinthians 7:7 but continues to say that each one has his own gift from God.
Should you choose to get married, you may marry whomever you wish as long as he or she has the qualities listed above. God wants to bless your union but it has to be acceptable to God, to begin with. And remember, you should marry that person because you love him with all your heart, not only because you think it is good for you. You should marry because you are ready to enter into a lifetime commitment with that person.
Wanting to get married is normal and a natural desire but you need to pray about it and then leave it in God’s hands. You need to trust God with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6), especially when it concerns the person whom you will be spending the rest of your life with.
Recommended Resource:
| God Is a Matchmaker: Seven Biblical Principles for Finding Your Mate
By Derek & Ruth Prince
In God Is a Matchmaker, Derek, and Ruth Prince share seven biblical principles for finding your mate. Sharing their own real-life love story and full of inspiring testimonies from others who followed these principles and found their perfect match, this book reveals God’s pattern for marriage. The book also offers special counsel for parents, youth leaders, pastors, and counselors. |
42 Replies to “What is the Will of God in Marriage?”
Hi there, I am married to my husband who is a US citizen and I reside in Canada. We’ve known each other for almost 10 years now and hung out each time he would come to Canada.
I knew he drank and did drugs but I didn’t know how bad his drinking problem really was or the drug abuse. He went to jail in 2019 and I thought that he would come out sober. He went to rehab when he was released and because it was Covid we couldn’t travel so we decided to get married.
Of course, knowing what I know now, it probably was not the best idea since he was an alcoholic, etc. We were able to file our marriage certificate to a state that doesn’t require a ceremony but the marriage is still legal. So we did it.
Now as of 2023 he has been in and out of rehabs, jail and rehabs again and living on the street. We haven’t been together physically at all. And he still is drinking and using drugs. He knows of the Lord. Has went to church, prays has even been baptized but has fallen back into the addiction.
This year I found out he has cheated. Maybe more times than I know. So now knowing I wasn’t wise in my decision I don’t feel like this marriage is blessed and also because he’s unrepentant I’m considering divorcing him. The adultery I know of and I feel like he’s abandoning the relationship because I barely talk into him now that he’s homeless and he will not go to a rehab.
I wanted to have a face to face conversation with him but I’m almost afraid to travel to the US and then I may not even get in contact with him. He only calls once or twice every two to three weeks unless he’s in the hospital for two to three days.
I want to have a talk with him so he understands the seriousness of the matter.
Any advice if I should let this go?
Hi Christine,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I can’t imagine the struggle you are facing right now.
But if there’s one thing I would advise you to do is this, keep living your life in accordance with the will of God. Continue to serve Him and get involved in your ministry.
At the same time, leave your marriage in God’s hands. Pray for your husband and let God take care of everything.
Trust God; He knows what’s best for you.
God bless!
Hello
Just enjoyed your article,
Please, I need your advice on this, am just confused. Four men in my life.
Firstly, I have a friend that we’ve been friends with for over 10yrs, but he never profess his love for me saying that I told him not to take advantage of our friendship in order not to lose me and our friendship he kept his feeling for himself.
Recently he told me how much he loves me but is afraid to open up due to what I told him. His direction is going towards getting married to me.
Secondly, Am dating a guy whom I left before, though he so much loves me and I did but deep inside of me I can’t get married to him, I left him because he want to travel out of the country but he pleaded for me to come to see him which I did.
I have accepted him back and promise not to go back though I said it because of his present condition, he had an accident and his into so much pain telling him am not interested I don’t know what will become of him cus I know how he was admitted in the hospital last time I left him. I don’t know what to do.
Thirdly is a guy I know for more than 15 years now, a single dad just as am a single mum, since we started dating. We do things together, no doubt I love him so much and he does but he is not defending our love.
Sometimes I will ask him if he will ever get married he will tell me women have a problem and that he doesn’t wanna get married. But he will just be having sex with me alone, ma’am we do things together. In fact, we are so attached to ourselves.
In all these relationships I can’t boldly tell anyone am in a relationship till I met the fourth guy, who lives in Senegal. We met on Social media, Facebook. This guy loves God so much, but ma at first I asked him if his a Yahoo guy he said know cus I sensed it.
But a few days ago, he opened up and told me that he is but not happy about it, that his leaving that country back to Nigeria to start up something good that God loves him so much but not happy with his doing. Ma, apart from this illegal work he does, he goes to church to sing on invitation, deep inside of me I know there’s something more about him.
He’s really a lover of God, ma’am since I met him I reduce my amount of communication with others. I boldly tell people am in a relationship unlike before, but he’s from the same state the father of my baby from, and I promised myself that I will not get married from there. In fact, some years past I declined a marriage proposal from a man from that same state.
I have promised him to be with him because he was seriously crying begging me not to leave him but am seeing it as an act. Am just confused.
Hello Caroline,
You really are in a huge dilemma and I know it’s not easy to pick one over the other three guys. ☺
But eventually, you have to make a firm decision. And since we’re talking about whom you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, you cannot afford to mess up. And this is why you should not merely base your choice on your feelings. You know what they say, marriage is more than just feelings because feelings can change pretty quickly.
By the way, please do not ever make major life decisions at the height of your emotions. Let’s say, you’re very happy when you are with one of these guys and you feel as if you can’t live a day of your life without him. Or when you’re very upset with one of them and decide it isn’t working. Make decisions whenever you’re in the best shape, not too happy, too angry, or sad.
Life is full of surprises; sometimes good and at times bad. How sure are you that you still love the guy when things become tough?
You also have to choose wisely because you have a child to consider. Will the guy you’re planning to marry accept your child as his own? And oh, yeah, it does not matter if you promised yourself not to marry a guy who is from the same place as your ex and the father of your child. That is irrelevant. Just so you know, I promised not to marry a guy who is from the same place as me. Guess what? My husband is from our place ☺.
The fourth guy cried begging for you not to leave him. That’s no guarantee that he will be faithful to you and will love and support you through thick and thin. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, well, supposed to be. But not every couple grows old together.
Thankfully, we can rely on God for wisdom because He is not only all-knowing but He wants you to end up with the right man. But how do you know which one among the four is the best fit for you? Pray and ask God to guide you. I hope you read the 5 biblical guidelines I shared in selecting a spouse. Do all these 4 guys you are in some sort of relationship with check all the boxes? You can use the process of elimination and see who will be left.
But the way I assess it, you are more drawn to the fourth guy. You even promised to be with him. If that’s the case, why not cut off your relationship with the other three and spend your time on your knees asking God to guide you in dealing with the fourth guy?
I would like to emphasize … please do not rush into marriage with the fourth guy even if your heart is screaming it’s the right thing to do.
Give your relationship enough time to grow. That way, you can also grow together and you will then be able to see if he really is the one for you. Trust God to show you if marrying this guy is His will for you.
You can never go wrong if you entrust the decision-making to God. I hope this helps.
Hi, my name is Paul.
I met a lady precisely, a Nigerian lady.
After praying hard on God’s will for me in searching for a life partner, I met this Nigerian lady and became used to her.
After noticing she was the will of God for me, we became used to ourselves, we loved each other very much, but there was a problem, even presently.
It is about the fact that the parents of this lady are against their daughters getting married to Cameronians.
In this case madam, what should I do as the man involved?? Should I end my relationship with her?
Hello, Paul.
I’d say that your situation is not unusual. This is common in countries with strong traditional beliefs and customs.
I was based in the Middle East for almost 11 years where parents decide who their children should marry.
We had a Sudanese and Saudi colleague who fell in love with each other. At first, the girl’s parents (Saudi nationals) didn’t like the idea of them getting married. They were very hesitant but later on, they came around.
I think what made the girl’s parents accept the man was because he’s a licensed physician, well-educated, and very smart. She used to be his clinic nurse.
After some hurdles in their relationship, the girl’s parents were able to accept him.
So, go get a degree, a good job and show your girlfriend’s parents that you can take care of her. Show them what kind of life you can give to their daughter.
And of course, pray, pray, pray! Ask God to touch their hearts. Pray for God to work things out according to His plans and purpose in your life.
Shalom!
Hi, how are you all doing today?
My name is Richard Hanna and I am a Christian. I met this nice Lady at a hotel in Jamaica and she works at the hotel. And now I just cannot get her off my mind, and I am in love with her. And I don t have a number for her and I don’t know her name. And I think she may be my future Godly Wife. And I want you all to help me to pray about it.
And thank you all so much in Jesus’ Name.
From Richard Hanna
Hi Richard,
Thanks for stopping by.
You said you met a lady who works at a hotel and you don’t know her name. But you think you’re in love with her and she might be your future wife. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound unsupportive of your feelings. But how can you be in love with somebody you don’t even know personally?
I would say you were attracted to her but love? I don’t know. So, yes. You should really pray about it. And if she is really the one with whom you’re going to spend your life, God will work things out.
In the meantime, keep serving the Lord and focus on growing your relationship with Him.
God bless you!
Hi Richard, I just saw your post.
Not sure how you got on, because it was over a year ago. Hopefully things are clearer now. But, for anyone else in a similar situation … hotel staff are meant to be nice and polite to customers. Could it be that she was a pretty girl… and was just ‘doing her job’ – i.e. friendly to ALL customers?
A few things for another time. Guard your heart. It seems like you ‘built up’ fantasy of her. Is she even a Christian? Is she married herself?
Those are two basic questions you may not know – it seems the only thing you know of her is where she works. Maybe new feelings for you, but, it wasn’t love.
Best case it was infatuation. Like when you get a new toy. Its exciting … but … that soon wears off.
I pray you have peace and find a true Godly partner (if you haven’t already).
And please guard your heart.
Thank you, Steve, for your wisdom and advice to Richard. We genuinely appreciate it.
God bless!
I have been blessed by this write up.
Thanks, Ibrahim. So glad to hear that.
God bless you.
Thank you so much. You’ve actually cleared a lot of doubts concerning the will of God for marriage.
I was having a kind of Bible study with my friend just yesterday and we talked along this line. Your thoughts were clearly in consonant with mine, while he believes that God has a particular partner for any of his children, and missing such a partner meant doom. It was such an intense debate.?
I will have to ask him to read your post.
Though I’m not yet ready for marriage at the the moment, maybe in the next 3 years or so, God helping me. I’m still a final year University student. But I’m very much excited about marriage. I know God has a beautiful spouse for me too. I have a date as well and as believers, we believe in sexual purity.
Just thinking and imagining our lives together as couples makes us happy and adds color to our future ❤️.
We have no doubt we are God’s will for each other.
Thank you very much.
Hello Major,
So glad for you to have come by. Thank you for sharing your insight.
The truth is, many Christians today believe that God has chosen a specific person to be their partner in life, not just their friend. Well, I cannot totally fault them for that.
However, we need to understand that just like in any other area of our life and the choices we should make, God does not give us specific instructions. So, how do we know we are on the right track or that we are making decisions based on God’s will?
We can always look at what God says in His written Word. For instance, does God have a particular profession or job in mind for each and every one of us when He created us? Not really! But of course, He expects us to take up a decent job and while we’re on that job, we are to do it in a way that glorifies God.
It’s the same thing when choosing a spouse. God has given us clear guidelines and if we want God’s perfect will in marriage, all we have to do is follow these guidelines.
Another question when considering marriage is, how do we know when we’re ready to settle down and start a family? Again, we find many examples of biblical characters as well as exhortations from the Scripture.
By the way, I’m happy for you for finding the “right person” and I admire your commitment to stay pure until marriage. Not many Christians believe in sexual purity anymore.
I pray that God will work things out for the both of you. God bless!
My name is Paul a university student from Cameroon.
I am really curious about marriage though am still a student. I am kind of bothered about something. I met a lady some months ago. I got used to her, I couldn’t stay a day without talking to this lady.
I later noticed that I had fallen in love with this lady, but noticed later on that this lady’s parents will serve as a hindrance to my getting married to this lady.
Hey Paul,
Thanks for dropping by.
Selecting the “right” person to be our lifetime partner is quite a challenge for many, even Christians.
But we must understand that if it is truly the Lord’s will that we will spend the rest of our lives with that person, things will go smoothly. We don’t want to force things just so we get what we want.
By the way, why do you say that this lady’s parents would be a hindrance to a lifetime together? Do you see some signals that they’re not in favor of your “potential” relationship?
All I can say is, you pray about it and let God take care of everything. As you said, you’re still young. Focus on your studies and show your future in-laws that you are deserving of their trust.
Parents always want the best for their children and when they see that you can take care of their daughter, I’m sure they will entrust her to you.
I hope I answered your question.
God bless you more!
Lovely Article.
Please what do one do when your partner’s parents are against your relationship because of a word given by a man of God concerning a region where you schooled? For instance, my partner was told that her husband is not from my school by a pastor.
Also, how do I get my convictions aside from peace of mind?
Thanks
Hello Prince,
Thank you for dropping by.
Selecting a spouse is one of the most important decisions we would have to make because as believers in the Lord Jesus, we know that marriage is “for life.” This is why we need to seek God’s will through prayer to avoid making the wrong decision.
Regarding your situation with your partner, I can’t help but wonder how God revealed to the parents of your partner that the man she’s supposed to marry is not from a certain school, or place or region.
As I said in the article, I don’t believe that God has a particular person in mind for each of us to marry. He does, however, give us certain guidelines to help us make the right decision.
So, your partner’s parents are against your relationship because their pastor told them that their daughter’s future husband is not from your school. I don’t know but I can’t help but think that perhaps there’s more to it than what they’re saying. Anyway, all I can say is for the both of you to pray about it. Trust that God will work things out.
There’s no point rushing things. Show to her parents that you really love her and and care so much about her. They’ll come around, you’ll see.
By the way, how did you partner feel about what she was told? Did she start having doubts about your relationship? As I said, take it slow. I believe that when your partner’s parents see how happy she is with you, they will eventually give you their blessings.
Shalom.
Many times I find myself thinking I just have married out of my own will … immediately after our wedding. It’s been from one form of regret to another. I am not happy, it’s like managing to get through each day.
Sometimes, I wonder for how long, and if this marriage is not in God’s will, is it to say separation or divorce will be accepted by God? If He never ordained it in the first place.
Or is my punishment to remain in a loveless marriage? I hardly smile, or laugh. I am looking so unpleasant despite being a beautiful person. I lost my charm and glow … so early. This is my third year in the marriage.
What do I do?
Hi Ruth,
Thank you for dropping by and sharing with me your present situation. It must be really hard on your part to admit that you regret marrying your husband of three years.
I do not know the whole story and why you married him in the first place, if you were not 100% sure you had God’s blessings. And you said that you felt this way immediately after your wedding, and I wonder why.
First of all, let me tell you that divorce or separation is not an option. I can’t say for certain that you got married under the will of God but I believe with full conviction that divorce or separation should never be considered. Marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman with God and it is lifetime. To say it bluntly, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16-17)!
You say you are not happy, you hardly smile or laugh and you feel trapped in a loveless marriage. What are you supposed to do now?
I’d say, you pray for your husband and you marriage. Ask God to help you love your husband and submit to him; that God would open up you eyes to the great qualities that he has and for you heart to let him in. You can’t learn to love your husband all on your own, Ruth. You need God to enable you to do that. Ask God to overflow your heart with love so that you have enough love to share with your husband.
You didn’t say anything about how your husband is treating you. Is there anything in him that you don’t like? Is he treating you badly? If your husband is a good man, it should not be difficult for you to love, respect, and honor him.
With regards to losing your charm and glow, you can turn all that around by choosing to be joyful everyday. Happiness is a choice, they say. As you begin each day, make a conscious decision to be happy, to love and serve your husband, and most of all, to glorify God.
By the way, do you have kids? If you do, all the more reason for you to love your husband, the father of your kids.
I really believe that things will eventually work out in your marriage and family, if you would entrust it to God.
Blessings!
I have been reading your article; it’s very helpful. God bless you.
I am in love with a girl who fulfills all the criteria you mentioned above. She loves Jesus so much and she talks about him most of her time. I have seen dreams in three different times which confirms that it is the will of God to be with her but when I try to date her she doesn’t respond. I want to tell her my feeling but she is not giving me the chance. I am confused now and I don’t know what to do.
What do you suggest me?
Thank you so much.
Hello Naoh,
Thank you for reading the article and I am happy to hear that you find it very helpful.
I understand your situation and it can be frustrating, I know. Coz here you are … in love with a girl who has all the qualities of an ideal partner in life. You even had dreams to confirm that she really is the one whom you should spend the rest of your life with.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to be interested. So what should you do?
Please allow me to share with you the love story of one of our pastors and I hope you’ll be able to glean from it.
So, this pastor was so attracted to a member of his congregation, a nurse. He liked her so much but she didn’t seem to be interested. I guess, out of respect she was nice to him but did not really give any indication that she liked him too. Was this young lady aware that her youth pastor has his eye on her? I believe so!
Anyway, he attempted many times to let her know exactly how he felt but it seemed like the odds were not on his side. What did he do? He went on to fast and pray.
We’re not sure exactly how many years he prayed before things started to turn around. He even admitted he literally cried to the Lord (yes, with tears ☺) and asked Him if he would give her to him to be his wife.
While faithfully serving the Lord as a youth pastor, he was also praying that God would touch this young woman’s heart and start having feelings towards him. To make the story short, he waited for the right time, God’s timing, that is.
That’s exactly what I am advising you to do. Keep serving the Lord, be faithful to Him, and pray (fast if you can) that God would touch her heart and then wait patiently upon the Lord.
By the way, this story was shared to us by this pastor as part of his valentine’s day message many years later after they got married and already had 5 children.
Bottom line is this, if she is really the one that God has been preparing for you, there shouldn’t be any reason that you will not end up marrying her. If not, then you would have to move on and wait for the right girl for you.
I hope this helps, God bless!
Hi, please I need your advice on whom to marry I love God not just in word or for saying sake.
I have Christian friends that are females and I discovered about three of them are showing interests in me and to be factual the three ladies are lovers of God. And I’m just confused on what to do.
Hello Zion,
So glad for you to come by. I am smiling from ear to ear while reading your comment ☺. And by the way, I believe you when you said you love God not just in words. And hearing this from guys makes me really joyful because, admittedly, not many guys would say this openly.
I mean, yeah, they are Christians and are serving God but not many of them would actually verbalize their love for God.
Now, regarding your dilemma, I say you’re in a dilemma because knowing that at least three of your female Christian friends have their eyes on you has left you confused. And this is what I find amusing.
But hey, Zion, please don’t get me wrong. I do understand where you’re coming from and so I will try to help you resolve this, through the Lord’s guidance of course.
First things first, Zion. Are you ready to get married? I mean are you at the point of your life where you know you are truly ready to make a lifetime commitment with “a woman of God” and start a family? I assume you are, otherwise, you won’t be searching for Christian articles about the will of God in marriage, right? And you won’t be asking for my advice.
So let’s proceed. You said these ladies who are interested in you are Christians, so they all passed the number one criterion, so to speak ☺. To make this easier on me, I would just advise you to pray about it.
However, I sense that you are dead serious so I’m gonna give you my honest thoughts. Dig deep down in your heart and tell me if you see a future with any of them. Can you picture our life with any of them? If not, forget it.
One other thing that I feel should not be ignored is this: are you attracted to any of them? Of course, the physical aspect should not be the basis but it does play a major role in a relationship. I don’t think you would want to marry somebody that you’re not attracted to, right?
But more importantly, do you hold to the same core values of Christianity? This is also important because not everyone who professes to be a Christian regards the Bible as an authority.
But most importantly, you need to pray about this, Zion. Spend time in prayer and ask God to give you clarity. At the same time, I suggest you get to know each of these ladies and see which among them is best suitable for you. All of them might be great but there should be one of them that is perfectly suited for you.
I hope things will work out well for you and do come back to tell me how things turned out. God bless!
Hi sister.
I’m an Indian. I loved your article and the replies that you’ve given to the commenters.
I got a proposal from a Pastor which I liked and I asked him to come officially so he approached my church Pastor. When they spoke to my mother she was not happy for he’s from a different state and because of his language (you may know that there are many languages people speak here in different regions of India).
He has got all the qualities that you’ve mentioned above. And that’s the only reason I liked him as I didn’t get a peaceful family life with the parents because of their indifference in everything they do. I just need a God-centered family life, a God-fearing, loving husband and a good father to my children. That’s the only desire I got.
My mother is a God fearing one who’s just waiting for a sign from God about my partner. I just obeyed my parents and trusted God on His time to reveal that to my mother. But all of a sudden my Pastor, who was actually encouraging me to talk to my parents boldly about the proposal that I liked him too, called me, and asked me to think about the proposal again as they’re confused whether it works out or not (they may fear that they’d be in a trouble if it doesn’t work out as they approached my mother previously, I guess).
I’m so confused to decide what to do after being in love with him for an year. He said he’d come by in April to make a proposal with his parents. But I’m so scared what if my mother says “no,” what to do next! How to get a confirmation? Whom to share with?, I’m so much in a dilemma to decide anything.
Hello Jeslyn,
So happy to get to know you and thank you for sharing your story.
I understand exactly what you’re going through. I have so many Indian colleagues (I am currently working in the Middle East) so I know that arranged marriages are still the norm in India. I also know that there is such thing as CAST. You know, different social and economic status, different states which means different language, dowry requirements, etc. What I did not expect is that this is still followed even among Christians.
I actually did not know about the different languages until I heard two Indian colleagues talking to each other in English. I thought that was weird so I asked what’s going on and they told me that one of them speaks Malayalam while the other speaks Tamil. I was like, “Oh, is that so?”
We once had a female Indian co-worker who was a Christian and actively going to church. In this church, she met this guy and shortly after, they realized they really liked each other. However, the girl was not sure if her parents will agree because, while they share the same faith, they’re from different casts. I just found out later on that her parents rejected the man and married her to another guy from the same place.
Going back to your situation, Jeslyn, honestly, I don’t see any reason why your pastor is concerned other than him being protective of you and your family. He is your pastor and I can’t really fault him for doing his job. Yes, it’s his job to care for the flock that God has entrusted under his care, and that flock includes you.
However, I also believe that if the man you’re in love with is really a believer in Jesus, he surely loves Jesus more than he loves you and will do what’s right in the eyes of God. You said so yourself, he has all the qualities of a partner in life according to God’s standards. He’s also a pastor, right? So what I can tell you is to keep praying and seeking God’s will. Pray deep and hard. Do not rush things.
If you can, try fasting also even for a couple of days. I guarantee you that you will hear clearly from God. Jeslyn, God loves you and wants what’s best for you. God will also speak to your parents to give them the confirmation they’re asking.
Whatever will come out from this, obey your parents and trust that God will work things out for you according to His will. I will be praying for you as well.
By the way, please do come back to share with me the outcome, shalom and God bless you!
These is great advice on choosing a spouse. I particularly like your advice about becoming the right person. The way we react to the world has a great deal to do with our character.
We need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, but as what needs to be changed in us and our attitudes.
Hello Ernest, I’m glad you stopped by and thanks for commenting.
In choosing the one to spend the rest of our lives with, it’s important that we have to become the right person first. Often times we spend so much of our energy trying to change someone into the person we think we deserve without first making sure we are the right person for them.
I agree with what you said that if we want change to take place around us, it needs to start from within ourselves. But real change can only take place in our lives if we have Christ living in us and we let Him take over our lives completely because only God can transform us.
Shalom!
I enjoyed reading your article. Full disclosure I am married now but I have been married and divorced. I do believe that God plays an important role in a marriage. I have always believed in God but I can’t say that He has always played a major role in my life in the past. As of the last few years God has become an important part of our lives. Thanks for the great read and great information.
Hi Monica,
God instituted marriage and that is why it is but proper to get Him involved not only in regards to the person we want to marry but even during the entire course of the marriage relationship.
Many Christians often make the mistake of marrying outside the will of God, thus, finding themselves miserable and unhappy. I’m not saying that all marriages outside the will of God are bound for failure but it’s still ideal to marry someone in line with God’s word.
I’m glad to know that you’re now happily married and enjoying God’s blessings in your life. We all made mistakes somewhere along the way but what matters is that we have acknowledged it before the Lord, repented of it and made a decision to do things His way, not our way.
Shalom!
Hey I was wondering if you have more real word studies to back up the marrying a christian thing because showing divorce rates and the reason being religious ones would make your site more credible. I love the site though very well written. The ring picture looks very random maybe if the were purity rings it would make more sense.
Hi Elizabeth, I truly appreciate your feedback on this post.
Here are some of the numbers that resulted from certain studies conducted on the divorce rates among Christians. Accordingly, couples who are active in their faith are much less likely to divorce. Catholic couples were 31% less likely to divorce; Protestant couples 35% less likely; and Jewish couples 97% less likely, which in itself is quite impressive.
It’s also interesting to note that 53% of very happy couples agree with the statement, “God is at the center of our marriage” while 30% of struggling couples disagree with the statement, “God is at the center of our marriage.” What does this imply? That Christian couples who put God in control of their marriage are happy and less likely to divorce.
As for the ring, yes, it may look random and I could have picked a better image but please note that it is just a representation of the lifetime commitment between the couple and God.
Shalom!
Great write up!!
I grew up being taught christianity in a pastor’s home, it was a pretty brutal lifestyle.
When I got married it was to a non-christian out of rebellion to my parents, and they ended up manipulating her to become a christian, so I decided we needed to be divorced.
Next I married a man, because you know how christians feel about homosexuality heheh, and then against my will they had the nerve to convert him too!! Se we divorced.
Now I’m just waiting for them to die so I can marry someone I really love without anyone coming in and telling them the tricks of the christians.
Thanks for the awesome flashbacks!
God Bless
Hello Gabe, I’m so sorry for your bad experience with Christianity. I completely understand why you feel that way but I hope your realize that your parents just want what’s best for you because they love you so much. I believe that every parent, especially Christian parents, want their kids to be good kids.
You know, I envy you for having a parent who is not only a believer in Christ but also a pastor. I have high regard for pastors and I admire them for the works they are doing in the ministry.
I am not in your shoes and I have no idea how your parents raised you. But please know that whatever flaws your parents might have, those flaws and imperfections do not represent Christianity. As a matter of fact, we need Christ because we’re fallen, we’re sinners and we can’t save ourselves. We trust in Christ for salvation because we’re not good enough and will never be good enough.
Marriage is a partnership and I believe it has to be shared by people who have the same values. Such as in the case of Christians who are supposed to be married to Christians. With regards to your first marriage, I admire your parents for sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to her and thank God that she responded to the invitation.
It’s just sad that you made that the reason for divorcing her. But based on what you said, I think it’s your relationship with your parents that need to be fixed. It’s not their faith in Christ that’s getting in the way of your happiness.
I encourage you Gabe to give Christ a place in your life not because He needs you but because you need Him. Christianity is about following Christ, it’s not a religion; it’s a relationship with God that is restored through Jesus Christ His son.
May God bless you!
Hi!
I find this topic rather confusing.
I am a christian and am in love with a Muslim who is also a devout in her religion.
I can tell that because of her good personality and compassion for all folks.
Do you think it is wrong to get her as my wife as she is not a Christian, even if she believes in the Almighty creator of heaven and earth?
Hello Dave, thanks for dropping by.
Trust me, I understand very well where you’re coming from. But before I’ll answer your question, I believe that we first have to define our terms clearly. I said in my article that a Christian must marry a Christian.
Now, who is a Christian? A Christian is one who is saved by grace through faith alone in Christ (Ephesians 2:8-9); he is saved by confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior of his life and he believes in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Romans 10:9). In simpler terms, a Christian is one who has a redemptive covenant with God through Jesus Christ. So having answered that, we will go to the second important question: Do Christians and Muslims worship the same God?
Reading carefully the Bible and the Quran side by side, it’s not really that difficult to come to a conclusion that the God of the Bible is not the same as the Allah of the Quran. I cannot go into more details but I will just tackle the major difference.The Quran specifically said that Jesus was not crucified and so it follows also that He did not rise from the dead, it denies the core belief and foundation of Christianity. And it is for this reason that I say it is not right for a Christian to marry a Muslim.
So the girl you’re in love with says she believes in the God who created heaven and earth, but the God who created heaven and earth is not Allah but Yahweh, the One true God, the Triune God worshiped by Christians. As a Christian you will seek to obey Christ but as a Muslim she will adhere to the teachings of the Quran.
And you said that she’s also devout in her religion, so how can two people with different views live together? Will you go to worship separately? You go to church on Sundays and she goes to the mosque on Fridays? What about your kids, will they be Christians or Muslims?
Being in a Muslim country for many years and having studied a little bit about Islam, I can tell you that she won’t be allowed by her folks to marry a non-Muslim, not unless you will convert to her religion. Are you willing to do that? But if you could get her to come to Christ in faith then praise God!
I hope I have answered your question and I am praying that God will guide you in your decision on the person you’re going to marry. God bless!!!
I think that God’s will in marriage is that we accept His will, not ours.
When I met my amazing wife, we both knew that we wanted God to be the most important Person in our marriage. We have been married for 13 years now. We have gone through many hardships, serious illnesses of our son and of my wife being the most difficult ones. However, we have always felt that God’s will is more important than ours. And God has kept all His promises He had made to us, even though we didn’t trust Him all the time.
Thank you for the article.
Many blessings!
You’re absolutely right, it is God’s will that we submit to His will and not our will, not only in marriage but in all our plans and every aspect of our lives. But often times it’s easier said than done especially when it comes to the matters of the heart.
I’m so blessed with your testimony. That before you exchanged “I do’s” you both made a commitment to put God at the center of your marriage. Although your family have experienced some hardships, God has been faithful, still is and will always be. That’s the great thing about having God as the foundation of your marriage because in times of joys or sorrows you know that God will never leave you nor forsake you; He shares not only in your joys but in your sorrows too.
Thanks you for sharing your testimony, may the Lord continually bless and sustain your family!
I enjoyed reading your article very much, many people do give God the credit no matter if their marriage is a good one or ends up in divorce.
I always thought God was against divorce, what is your thoughts on divorce?
I believe if a person devotes his life to following Gods word they will be a good partner and their marriage will be a godly one. It does take two people working together to experience a good marriage, it is sad how many marriages are not lasting today and many of the couples truly loved one another at one time.
Hey Jeffrey, thanks for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed reading my article.
I believe that divorce should be the last option for Christian couples no matter what. I mean, it should not even be an option. Instead of asking on what grounds could they file for divorce, couples must think of forgiveness and reconciliation.
No matter how ugly things might go, couples should seek to save their marriage not just for the sake of their children but because of the covenant they made with each other and with God. Marriage is not just a covenant between the husband and wife but it’s the couple’s covenant with God.
The Bible clearly says that God hates divorce, He regards marriage so highly because it’s He who “made them one” (Malachi 2:15-16 NASB). In Matthew 19:8, Jesus tells the Pharisees how Moses did not permit divorce in the beginning but because of the hardness of their hearts, he permitted it.
The only grounds for divorce mentioned in the NT are marital infidelity (Matthew 19:9) and having an unbelieving spouse who does not want anymore to live with the believing one (1 Corinthians 7:12-15).
Sadly, many Christian couples today have ended in divorce including known Church leaders.
I totally agree with you, both husband and wife should work hand in hand to make their marriage work. The key to a successful and victorious marriage is having God as its foundation. That’s why it’s very important that we follow God’s guidelines in choosing a spouse.
A marriage that is not in the will of God could very well end up in divorce while a marriage ordained and favored by God is more likely to succeed. God’s will in marriage is to bless the couple and use them for His purpose and glory.
Hi Sis,
Your article is very helpful.
This line touched me: “A marriage is not just a covenant between the husband and wife but it’s the couple’s covenant with God.”
Sis, I am married for 7 years. Ours is an arranged marriage, and both of us are from the same church.
A lady, a close relative of my husband is interfering in our life from the very beginning. It’s a kind of an emotional affair as both of them are talking and texting every day on the phone. They both are in two different countries, he’s always on his phone, it’s always locked I cannot even touch it.
This relationship has been continuing even before our marriage which even his own family knows and admits. Since they both are in different countries they say it’s just a friendly relationship. They are not understanding nor does my husband understand how it spoils our life.
My husband has been working abroad for many years. My husband doesn’t want to have kids. Last year due to a small dispute, he disconnected all means of contact with me. I tried to reach him in many ways but no use, it’s been more than 1.5 yrs now.
I really don’t know what to do next. I’ve been praying about it for a long time and still no change. Some say not to have any hope on this as this will not work out. Some say God doesn’t want me to continue in this relationship as my husband doesn’t love me so he separated me from him.
I want to know how to find out what’s God’s will in this situation. Please drop me a mail if possible, I want to talk to you.
It would be a great help for me.
Thank you
With love,
Your Sister in Christ
Hello Sister Ani,
I am so sorry to hear about your marriage situation. It’s not easy I know and no one truly understands the pain you’re going through if not those who experienced the same thing.
Your case is just one of the reasons I am not in favor of arranged marriages. I do not doubt that parents only want the best for their kids and this is why they intervene and be the ones to choose their child’s spouse.
My parents are a case of an arranged marriage and it was more of a burden to my mom than a blessing. Thankfully, my dad never cheated on my mom but their marriage was not the happiest.
My mom said that the only good thing about marrying my dad was having us, their children. My dad passed away more than 20 years ago but every time my mom remembers what she had to go through, she can’t help but become teary-eyed and with bitterness in her heart.
Thankfully, our country has moved past this “arranged marriage” tradition.
Going back to your situation, I do not advise you to divorce your husband. Although we do not know exactly what’s going on between him and his close relative, your feelings are valid.
I would never want my husband to be texting or emailing another woman especially when they are doing it every day. What are they talking about? And why is your husband hiding it from you?
By the way, you mentioned that your husband is working overseas. Does that mean you are apart? And because of a minor misunderstanding, he cut all lines of communication with you.
Hmmm … what is he trying to tell you by doing that? I hope he will tell you directly about what is it that he wants to happen. Did you say he does not want to have kids? That’s odd because most husbands want kids.
Perhaps your friends, family, and relatives are right; that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. But did he love you before? Or he just had no choice but to obey his parents?
You said your husband and the other woman, his relative, have been in constant communication even before you two got married. Perhaps, there was already something between them before your wedding.
You have been patient all these years; you’ve been praying about your situation but nothing seems to have changed. You tried reaching out but to no avail.
What are you supposed to do now? The apostle Paul specifically addressed this issue in 1 Corinthians 7:10-24, (NIV).
But I would like to draw your attention to verses 10-11.
“To the married, I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.”
Also in verse 17, “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.”
In other words, you should stop bothering your husband and live your life to the fullest, serving the Lord. But you should not remarry and not file for divorce. It’s never God’s will for married couples to divorce.
I know it’s easier said than done. Please know that I would like for you to have a second chance at having a happy marriage with kids.
But you need to wait on God. Waiting seems to be the hardest thing to do but God’s grace is sufficient for you. He will make a way regarding your situation and will give you the desires of your heart, according to His will.
My best friend was abandoned and cheated on by her husband. Not only that, he abused her emotionally and she almost turned away from God and the ministry that God gave to her.
But after so many years of waiting, her husband said he wanted an annulment. We have no divorce here in the Philippines so annulment is the closest thing to being set free from the vows you made.
It took years again before their petition was granted but it did. Finally, my friend is free after waiting on God’s hand to work things out. She is set to get married this October 15 to a widower with 2 kids.
My best friend finally got her happy ending after almost 20 years.
I know you will have your happy ending too. Just keep the faith, use your time, skills, and resources to serve God, and wait for what God will do. Stop wasting your time trying to connect with your husband.
Cheer up, sis, it’s not the end of the world. God bless you!